A Testing Exam

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that the school year is coming to an end. My hope is that over the course of this year, I’ve somehow managed to teach my students something useful and perhaps a bit of Social Studies along the way.

Last week they were given their final examinations covering the year’s material. Their performance determines whether they move forward to the next grade. So, I designed the test to include 80% multiple choice and true/false, and only 20% short answer where they had to actually formulate a response. Luckily I didn’t write my exam like one of the math tests where one question comprised of parts a, b, and c, and instead of answering all three sections, a student simply circled A.

These, however, were the answers that my students provided for me…

Name:_______________________________
Student’s Response: [First Name] Sexy Love

Directions: True or False (30 marks). Please indicate whether each statement is true or false by circling the correct answer.
Student circled true in the directions.


Question: Why is getting an education important for finding work?
Student's Response:
- because when you go on interviews you can answer all the quitation
- you must take your education because it is important to life because if you don’t have education you will learn bad you will become a drugy smokey or do rong things that will put you in trouble
- went you get a education you can get a good jod and not a worst jod that why education is important
- Because if any ask you a questions you can be able to answer it, and you might have to sign your name so that why its important to get you education.
- education is important for Finding word because The people has to test you to see iF you are goog For the jod.
- because if we don’t have Eauducation The country will go down.
- uou need a joB to halp our son.
- true

Question: Describe the phenomenon of “Brain Drain”
Student's Response:
- Brain Drain is when remembering or review what you lurned in class
- Brain Drain is like you forgot something next min you rember
- The two word are describe spelling but same sound.
- Drain Drain is when you are doin bisnis with another country
- Brain Drain is when someone sader with Brain pramel [problem].
- because the are alike.
- Do not no.
- Brain Drain is when you hit your head.
- Brain Drain is the part of your head that drains the blood.
- Brain Drain is when your Bran is blown
- A Phenomenon of “Brain Drain” is May 26 2007
- is when people money is go in down they drain

Question: Name a developing country.
Student's Response:
- The two developing country are Guyana and USA.
- A developing country is Nourkyark [New York].
- the Name of this country is Guyana.
- Ammrika
- The USNice Cate [United States]
- A developing country is bizle [Brazil].
- true

Question: What does the Legislative branch of the government do?
Student's Response:
- Work on time
- The Legislative make shower the rules is carred out and ponish all does how break them.
- The government of branch seit the roos [rules] for the country.
- the legislative brach of the governmet follow the precident orders
- May law a runes [Make laws and rules].
- It does a Lot of thing Like light in the night.
- It con trow [control] the world.

Insults Come Complimentary

Praise and compliments aren’t given out freely here as they are in the States. This coupled with the fact that the Guyanese speak with candor and a bit of abrasiveness often makes me wonder if this is their way of doling out compliments. Usually flattery comes coupled with an insult… or their insults might include a compliment. I’m not quite sure which it is. One thing’s for certain: it’s given out quite freely, but you always seem to be paying for it.

Here are a few examples to illustrate my point…

At the doctor’s office

Me: Hi, good morning. You look very nice today.
Doctor: Hello. And you look… the same.
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At school

Student: Miss, when I have a wife one day, I don’t want her to be more fat than you.

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Walking on the street

Security Guard: Hey Chinee girl. I want to make babies and fried rice with you.

Life Lessons

People often say there is no better way to learn than to teach someone else. My students may have gone out of their way to ensure I’m learning as much as they are. They have definitely been trying to instill in me proper values, gumption, and common sense. Here’s how they’ve made me better understand how the world works:


On Religion…

Losing my religion

Student: Miss, what church you go to?
Me: I don’t go to church here.
Student: Why not Miss? You don’t believe in God? You want to burn in hell?
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On Career Choices…

Teachers are super heroes

Student: Miss when you go back to America are you going to continue teaching?
Me: I don’t know. I didn’t teach before I came here.
Student: So you were just an ordinary person?


False advertising

Student: What did you used to do before you came to Guyana?
Me: I worked in advertising.
Student: What? For truth? So you know about cameras? And you know they take a fan and fake the breeze? It ain’t real ya know.
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On Gambling…

Going for Broke

Me: Should gambling be legal in Guyana?
Student #1: No Miss, gambling bad!
Me (playing devil’s advocate): Well what if I said that the government could make money off of it and they would spend it to build new roads and provide medicine for the sick. Then would that be ok?
Student #1: No Miss, gambling makes you sell off your wife!
Student #2: And it causes killings!
Student #3: It makes you thief your mother’s fish money!
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On Linguistics …

Coming in Loud and Clear

Student: Miss you can’t understand us when we talk.
Me: Well not when I first came, but now I can.
Student: No Miss, we Guyanese usually talk raw, but when we talk to you we talk more slow cuz you American.

Best...Ever

Guyana boasts some of the most notable ecological attractions on this planet. I recently made a trip out to Kaietuer Falls to witness some of the wonders for myself. Here’s what you can expect at this scenic National Park: a bunch of superlatives that could easily make its way into my Reading lesson …

(Can’t take any of the photo credits. My pictures don’t quite do it justice.)

Tallest waterfall ever. It measures 741 feet and is the world highest single drop fall. To put it into perspective it’s about 129 Nate Robinsons stacked on top of each other. It’s quite breathtaking to witness the rush of glistening red wine water flood over the edge and quite soothing to hear the steady beat of the cascading water.

Oldest rocks ever. Some of the world’s oldest exposed rocks are found here.

Smallest frog ever. The golden frog is the size of your pinky and is the world’s tiniest. It spends its entire life living in this plant. But I guess if you’re that small you really don’t want to travel that far. Makes sense.

Least reliable form of transportation ever. Both our flights in and out were canceled due to rain. Luckily I’ve been living in Guyana and no longer have an urgent sense of time.


Most lethal snake ever….or at least that’s how I felt when I was 6 inches away from it

Bluest butterflies ever. Well I’m not sure that they're actually the bluest, but they’re pretty blue and strikingly radiant against a backdrop of neutral browns and greens.



Brightest rainbows ever. Again this one is just an opinion, but these little gems rarely get observed by the typical city dweller.

Market-Able

Filling a bag of groceries in Guyana isn’t like loading a cart full of goodies at Whole Foods. Similar to shopping in Manhattan, you purchase only what you can carry. And, no, you don’t have the option to pay for delivery to your front door. There are a limited number of grocery stores in town, but they tend to overcharge for most items, so I’ve learned to do most of my shopping at the market. The market can be wonderful fun. It’s a colorful scene filled with ripe tropical fruits and rich green vegetables displayed on wooden stands over a carpet of sewage water and litter. The experience isn’t quite a leisurely stroll through a farmer’s market. Every vendor regardless of their gender shouts, “Hey baby, what you shopping for?” If you stop and chat for a bit, you find that sometimes they can be very friendly and generous. Other times, they just want to continue marketing.

Each trip can be a grab bag. Here are a few of my experiences fresh off the market so anyone who might want to check out the market will be better able to.

- Sometimes you feel like a celebrity. “Look, it’s Bruce Lee’s daughter.”
- Sometimes you feel like you’re blessed with good genes when walking with other volunteers. “Hey! White and Chinee make beautiful babies!”
- Sometimes you feel a sense of security after being grabbed by a strange man. “Girl you walking too close to the bus.”
- Sometimes you feel like you’re in Baskin Robbins “You never eat this before? Here taste it”

- Sometimes you feel like you belong, “You Guyanese? You sound like Guyanese”
- Sometimes you don’t. (me) “I just got tomatoes at that stand for $200.” (Guyanese shopper) “No girl. She only charged me $140.”

- Sometimes you feel like they think you’re a sucker. (me) “How much for two?” (vendor quickly packs 4 in a bag) “This, only $200.”
- Sometimes you are. (vendor) “Look. I saved all the good mangoes for you.” (me) “But, some are all bruised up.” (vendor) “Mangoes scarce now. Ya want it?” (me) “(sigh) Fine.”

Photo Dump

It’s been a while since I’ve just posted pictures, so here's a random collection for your viewing pleasure.

Most people want to be an “after,” unless you’re a worn volunteer tote that’s endured a year of sun, sweat and abuse. I still carry around the smelly used one. This Friday my roommate forced me to trash my favorite pair of flip flops because it had a hole in the bottom. I may have possibly sunk to a new low.

Don’t pee in the shower. It's not pleasant for the next person.

A lesson on how to take notes when you don’t have a desk.

One of my favorite primary school students, Shaqueille. He’s a bit shy, but so tiny you could roll him up and put him in your pocket.

The skyline over the Caribbean Sea.

Stalling on a Shitty Situation

We’re in the last term of the year, and I was excited to see my students again after an extended Easter break. The first day back, I walked onto the compound to have students warmly greet me, ask how I spent my holiday and why my legs were so ugly, with a blanket of bug bites. “Miss, ya know about spray?” It’s good to be back. In the afternoon, I approached the Headmaster and inquired about the broken septic tanks that caused the school to close a bit earlier. “I went away for break, Miss, and forgot about it and nobody came to fix them.” Ok, well that makes sense: if you leave and don’t call anyone, no one would come.

The conditions have now escalated to the point that the students and faculty, including a pregnant teacher, can’t use the bathroom. The stench was also beginning to get unbearable. This isn’t the only problem with the school’s facilities. The stairs were so weak that a student had stepped a bit too hard and pieces of concrete debris fell on a female student’s head.

Week 1
On Tuesday, the Senior Master called an impromptu assembly after school. The Senior Master tells the students if they want change, they can take a stand by not coming to school. Then he declares that none of the teachers will teach until the problem is rectified.

I walked home with a few students and ask them if they plan on attending school tomorrow. Most of them said yes because they didn’t understand the concept of going on strike. Funny because we discussed trade unions and strikes last term. I’m such a great teacher.

Not much happened the rest of the week. Every time someone needed to use the facilities, they were sent home.

Week 2
The parents finally mobilized on Wednesday and bolted down every single door of the school with two by fours, then padlocked the front gate. About a dozen or so concerned parents stood out under the unrelenting sun, sheltering themselves beneath parasols, and holding up protest signs each time a vehicle passed. A few entrepreneurial students came around and sold icicles (flavored ice) to them. Actually they were my little genius students who did that. They don’t understand strikes, but they know how to make an extra buck. Good work. Since the teachers were evicted from the compound by the parents, they had no choice but to gather around the shop across the street, staring at and discussing the situation. The Teacher’s Union had instructed them to remain sitting across the street each day until further notice.

One of the parents called the media, which came hours later to expose the deplorable conditions: derelict wooden steps, piles of unburned garbage, numerous termite nests, rusty water tanks, lack of fencing (where the children just run out through the back instead of going to class), damaged and smashed toilets, and of course the ruptured leaking septic tanks. The piece was picked up by the other news stations (and by “stations” I mean the other one).

The Ministry of Education finally takes notice and says everything will be fixed over the weekend.

Week 3
During rainy season, everything gets delayed. We go to school on Monday to see the work unfinished and the gates still padlocked. The Ministry spends the rest of the week slowly and shoddily rebuilding a few of the critical items on the demand list. They also want to cut costs by trying to get prisoners to clean the school.

Week 4
School can finally resume! 5th Formers are supposed to take the CXCs during the month of May. This is probably the most important exam of their Secondary School career, a good score leading to the opportunity of a more promising future. Our 5th formers haven’t had the past month to prepare due to the school’s conditions and are planning on taking the exams starting this week. Since our school is too small to house all the students while the 5th formers are given sufficient space to test, many of them are asked to go home. We walk in on Monday to inquire about the schedule.

Me: Sir, I hear that there is a lot of testing going on in May and June. How will this affect my timetable?
Senior Master: Yes, well Miss is working on a Calendar of Events. There will be many days when you cannot teach.
Me: Can I see the calendar? When will it be done?
Senior Master: When she has finished writing it.

Right. Why did I even bother asking such a silly question.

On a side note, someone please give me a new job. I come back in August and I’ll work anywhere where the toilets are in working order.