A Testing Exam

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that the school year is coming to an end. My hope is that over the course of this year, I’ve somehow managed to teach my students something useful and perhaps a bit of Social Studies along the way.

Last week they were given their final examinations covering the year’s material. Their performance determines whether they move forward to the next grade. So, I designed the test to include 80% multiple choice and true/false, and only 20% short answer where they had to actually formulate a response. Luckily I didn’t write my exam like one of the math tests where one question comprised of parts a, b, and c, and instead of answering all three sections, a student simply circled A.

These, however, were the answers that my students provided for me…

Name:_______________________________
Student’s Response: [First Name] Sexy Love

Directions: True or False (30 marks). Please indicate whether each statement is true or false by circling the correct answer.
Student circled true in the directions.


Question: Why is getting an education important for finding work?
Student's Response:
- because when you go on interviews you can answer all the quitation
- you must take your education because it is important to life because if you don’t have education you will learn bad you will become a drugy smokey or do rong things that will put you in trouble
- went you get a education you can get a good jod and not a worst jod that why education is important
- Because if any ask you a questions you can be able to answer it, and you might have to sign your name so that why its important to get you education.
- education is important for Finding word because The people has to test you to see iF you are goog For the jod.
- because if we don’t have Eauducation The country will go down.
- uou need a joB to halp our son.
- true

Question: Describe the phenomenon of “Brain Drain”
Student's Response:
- Brain Drain is when remembering or review what you lurned in class
- Brain Drain is like you forgot something next min you rember
- The two word are describe spelling but same sound.
- Drain Drain is when you are doin bisnis with another country
- Brain Drain is when someone sader with Brain pramel [problem].
- because the are alike.
- Do not no.
- Brain Drain is when you hit your head.
- Brain Drain is the part of your head that drains the blood.
- Brain Drain is when your Bran is blown
- A Phenomenon of “Brain Drain” is May 26 2007
- is when people money is go in down they drain

Question: Name a developing country.
Student's Response:
- The two developing country are Guyana and USA.
- A developing country is Nourkyark [New York].
- the Name of this country is Guyana.
- Ammrika
- The USNice Cate [United States]
- A developing country is bizle [Brazil].
- true

Question: What does the Legislative branch of the government do?
Student's Response:
- Work on time
- The Legislative make shower the rules is carred out and ponish all does how break them.
- The government of branch seit the roos [rules] for the country.
- the legislative brach of the governmet follow the precident orders
- May law a runes [Make laws and rules].
- It does a Lot of thing Like light in the night.
- It con trow [control] the world.

Insults Come Complimentary

Praise and compliments aren’t given out freely here as they are in the States. This coupled with the fact that the Guyanese speak with candor and a bit of abrasiveness often makes me wonder if this is their way of doling out compliments. Usually flattery comes coupled with an insult… or their insults might include a compliment. I’m not quite sure which it is. One thing’s for certain: it’s given out quite freely, but you always seem to be paying for it.

Here are a few examples to illustrate my point…

At the doctor’s office

Me: Hi, good morning. You look very nice today.
Doctor: Hello. And you look… the same.
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At school

Student: Miss, when I have a wife one day, I don’t want her to be more fat than you.

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Walking on the street

Security Guard: Hey Chinee girl. I want to make babies and fried rice with you.

Life Lessons

People often say there is no better way to learn than to teach someone else. My students may have gone out of their way to ensure I’m learning as much as they are. They have definitely been trying to instill in me proper values, gumption, and common sense. Here’s how they’ve made me better understand how the world works:


On Religion…

Losing my religion

Student: Miss, what church you go to?
Me: I don’t go to church here.
Student: Why not Miss? You don’t believe in God? You want to burn in hell?
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On Career Choices…

Teachers are super heroes

Student: Miss when you go back to America are you going to continue teaching?
Me: I don’t know. I didn’t teach before I came here.
Student: So you were just an ordinary person?


False advertising

Student: What did you used to do before you came to Guyana?
Me: I worked in advertising.
Student: What? For truth? So you know about cameras? And you know they take a fan and fake the breeze? It ain’t real ya know.
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On Gambling…

Going for Broke

Me: Should gambling be legal in Guyana?
Student #1: No Miss, gambling bad!
Me (playing devil’s advocate): Well what if I said that the government could make money off of it and they would spend it to build new roads and provide medicine for the sick. Then would that be ok?
Student #1: No Miss, gambling makes you sell off your wife!
Student #2: And it causes killings!
Student #3: It makes you thief your mother’s fish money!
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On Linguistics …

Coming in Loud and Clear

Student: Miss you can’t understand us when we talk.
Me: Well not when I first came, but now I can.
Student: No Miss, we Guyanese usually talk raw, but when we talk to you we talk more slow cuz you American.

Best...Ever

Guyana boasts some of the most notable ecological attractions on this planet. I recently made a trip out to Kaietuer Falls to witness some of the wonders for myself. Here’s what you can expect at this scenic National Park: a bunch of superlatives that could easily make its way into my Reading lesson …

(Can’t take any of the photo credits. My pictures don’t quite do it justice.)

Tallest waterfall ever. It measures 741 feet and is the world highest single drop fall. To put it into perspective it’s about 129 Nate Robinsons stacked on top of each other. It’s quite breathtaking to witness the rush of glistening red wine water flood over the edge and quite soothing to hear the steady beat of the cascading water.

Oldest rocks ever. Some of the world’s oldest exposed rocks are found here.

Smallest frog ever. The golden frog is the size of your pinky and is the world’s tiniest. It spends its entire life living in this plant. But I guess if you’re that small you really don’t want to travel that far. Makes sense.

Least reliable form of transportation ever. Both our flights in and out were canceled due to rain. Luckily I’ve been living in Guyana and no longer have an urgent sense of time.


Most lethal snake ever….or at least that’s how I felt when I was 6 inches away from it

Bluest butterflies ever. Well I’m not sure that they're actually the bluest, but they’re pretty blue and strikingly radiant against a backdrop of neutral browns and greens.



Brightest rainbows ever. Again this one is just an opinion, but these little gems rarely get observed by the typical city dweller.