Friday, October 27, 2006

Ping Pong Conversations

Blogger's Note: So I usually don't do this, but I wanted to say Happy Birthday to William! William is a friendly guy who owns the internet cafe I frequent here in town. If it wasn't for William and his wonderful Oasis, you wouldn't be reading this. Thanks William for installing air conditioning and Happy Birthday!
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I’ve noticed that the Guyanese can be very ambiguous when speaking. Most of the time you’re not going to get the straight answer you were hoping for, which means a bit of a back and forth between both parties.

Ordering Food:
Me: What’s “C-pon” on your menu?
Snack Lady: That’s Cassava Pone
Me: Oh. What’s a Cassava Pone?
Snack Lady: It’s a pone made from cassava.

Ordering Drinks:
Thirsty Volunteer: Do you have Sprite?
Snack Lady: No
Volunteer: Oh, I really wanted Sprite. Do you have Diet Coke?
Snack Lady: No
Volunteer: What do you have?
Snack Lady lists 2-3 Guyanese soft drinks. Volunteer takes a minute to decide while trying to look behind the snack lady to see her options.
Volunteer: Wait. Is that 7-up back there?
Snack Lady: Yes. I have 7-up. Do you want that?

Getting Directions:
Me [sitting in the library chatting with students]: Where do you live?
Student #1 [without pointing or giving any kind of indication of direction]: Over so.
Me: Where?
Student #1: [points left]
Me [turning to the next student]: I see. And where do you live?
Student #2: [points right] Over so.

Getting More Directions:
Me: Where is Providence?
Guyanese Teacher: Near the police station.
Me: Where is the police station?
Guyanese Teacher: In Providence

Giving Directions:
Riding along the mini-bus I often look out the window to see that Guyana is predominately rainforest.
Passenger: Driver, please stop at the big tree.

Would You Light My Candle?

Diwali, the Festival of Lights, was observed this past Saturday. My day began with the downstairs neighbor’s kids lighting firecrackers at 7am right next to my window. They’re not even Hindu.

At 6pm, all the houses set out dayas (little tiny pots with oil and wicks) and lit them. The candles lining the verandas, sprinkled in front of the houses, and lighting up the steps were a magnificent sight. It was the night Guyana glowed.

We spent the evening visiting with a teacher who informed us that during Diwali all you do is eat. It’s now my new favorite holiday. She started by feeding us two plates each of delicious food such as coconut filled pastries, pancake-like balls, fried garlic mashed potato-like balls, and many other appetizing snacks. Once we were thoroughly stuffed, we went for a walk to enjoy the lights around the neighborhood.

It was a festive night. A herd of children came charging toward us screaming and laughing while one swung flaming steel wool showering beautiful sparks all around. We played with sparklers and, for a while, got to act like children and swing the steel wool as ourselves.

As we walked along the streets, we picked up more food. It was like Halloween except we got bags of delicious homemade food instead of tiny pieces of store bought candy. We stopped by a neighbor’s house who invited us in for 7 Curry. Although we were already full from the snacks, we couldn’t resist the curry and ended up eating until we felt like exploding. And when we couldn’t eat another bite, they gave us sweet rice for dessert.

After all the juice they provided us, I had to use the bathroom. On our way home I asked the teacher friend if I could use hers. She led me into the back outhouse, opened the door and told me to go on the flat concrete floor. I was taken aback since there was no drain, no working pipe, not even a hole in the ground, just flat concrete. I asked if she had a toilet and she informed me that my only other option was the go in the bush. I was not warned about houses with no toilets during orientation. With a full bladder and seeing as my only option was to go in my pants or in the dark concrete room, I hesitantly chose the room.

The night ended up being enjoyable and light-hearted, but I will forever remember it as the night I gained 10 pounds in 4 hours then peed on my leg.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Monsters.com

Job Description: Looking for an energetic babysitter for 200 cute little monsters ages 12-13. Your primary responsibility is to oversee a group of 40 students at one time, but you also must be able to manage the remaining 160 students in your room while other babysitters sit around in the next room doing nothing. Ability to tolerate extreme heat is critical. Previous experience working inside a sauna or cleaning hot ovens will be helpful.

The listening impaired are encouraged to apply as noise levels within the classroom will sound muted.

The rare talent of understanding the children mumbling Creolese will be beneficial. Actors are encouraged to apply.

If you are over the age of 19, you must be married or else the children will think there is something wrong with you.

If you are Asian, you must know Kung-Fu because the children will ask you to demonstrate.

If you are a female, you must have long hair or else the children will ask you to grow it out.

Additional responsibilities may include being a nurse to patch up students’ cuts, being able to provide school supplies for students who can’t afford them or constantly lose them, and being a Blockbuster Video for the kids downstairs that ask you every day to borrow the same 3 DVDs.

Teaching students Social Studies and Reading is a plus, but not necessary. Resources are extremely limited and you will not find any suitable content in the textbook given to you. Ability to recall Jeopardy answers will be helpful.

Qualifications: English literacy

Salary: $225 US a month*
*Disclaimer: There is no guarantee you will get paid the first few months while the Ministry of Education shuffles around paperwork.

Fattie Fattie 2x4

World Food Day was this past Monday. They had a whole day celebrating the thing I love the most. We were able to take the students to partake in the event as a nice little field trip.

Based on its name, I foolishly assumed there would be a variety of food available. There wasn’t. There weren’t even any snacks until after 1pm. The children just ran around the park looking at booths educating them on how to grow vegetables and raise farm animals. Ok fine, really the kids just ran off the park grounds and ate at a Chinese Restaurant down the street. There was also supposed to be an assembly with speakers from Ministry at 12pm. When I had left at 4:30pm it still hadn’t started. Guyanese Time.

Even though we didn’t have any food at World Food Day, I’m still going to write about it. The Guyanese diet is very carbohydrate heavy. It’s contributed to a little weight gain here, hence a few fat comments from the locals. During some afternoons we experiment with our cooking and once made fried plantains with a sugary brown dessert sauce. It was so good I stuck my face in the pot to clean off the leftovers. It was more exciting than World Food Day. I also said I would become vegetarian in Guyana…well that ended about 3 hours after I got off the plane. Let’s talk food now. Here's a list of some of my favorite foods in Guyana thus far.

- 7 Curry- 7 different types of curries ladled over rice. 7 times the goodness.

- Pouri (little fried bread balls) and Channa (seasoned chickpeas) given to you in a small plastic baggie for $0.10. Is it inappropriate to buy 100 bags?

- Chicken foot- It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s actually this garlic tortilla-like snack cut into strips and fried.

- Solara - Kind of like a cinnamon roll, minus the cinnamon and add some red dyed coconut shavings instead. It’s really yummy.

- Egg ball/Meatball- Hard boiled egg or seasoned ground beef wrapped in a fried cassava (potato-like vegetable root). Eat with sour, a spicy mango sauce. Not for the weak.

- Rastafarian Meals- Vegetarian meal supposedly cooked with no or little oil. Doesn’t sound appetizing to all you carnivores? Well it’s delicious. I had rice with Edoe leaf (tastes like spinach) and curried potatoes.

- Bake- Sweet airy fried dough. Mmmmm…..Eat as a meal with a fried egg or salt fish.

- Brazilian Dinners- Yes, I realize this isn’t Guyanese food, but it’s all you can eat for $7 and it was delicious and meaty.

- Roti and Curry made by Auntie Jean- Our landlord’s wife came over and showed us how to make roti (a fluffy thick tortilla) and chicken curry from scratch.

- Cook up- Rice with coconut milk, beans, and some other spices. Most people add chicken or beef to the dish.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Playing With Fire

My first Guyanese fire drill experience started at 10 am when a teacher walked up and down the school hallway ringing a bell. Students energetically shout “Fire! Fire!” and stampeded out the doorway. Many of them kept running until they got home.

As a result, in my afternoon class only 7 of 44 the students were present. Frustrated at the rampant truancy, I asked my condensed class why everyone thought it was ok to skip school.

“It’s just the Guyanese way, Miss. You just have to get used to it.”
“Well then I don’t know why I even come to teach when no one ever shows up. I should just stay home.”
“Alright Miss. If you want, I can sign you in everyday.”

Two Timing

There are two different times that people generally run on: 1) on time and 2) Guyanese Standard Time. There are two different approaches when running on GST. People here are either too laid back and have no concept of time or too impatient and have no concept of time. Here are a few times the Guyanese have chosen to run on their own time.

Monday 8:45am

Teachers are supposed to arrive at school at 8:15am. School is supposed to begin at 8:30 am. Teachers and students are waiting outside the locked school.
Headmaster walks onto the school compound: Good morning! I didn’t know I had the key with me this morning.
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Tuesday 3:45pm
Landlord’s wife: I received your light bill on Saturday and it’s due today.
Me: What? Today?
Landlord’s wife: Yes, you must pay it today or else your light will be cut off. Then you have to pay an extra $3000 (Guyanese dollars) to get it turned on again. You can go to the Western Union tomorrow morning at 8am to make the payment.
Me: But if I go tomorrow morning will my electricity be cut off?
Landlord’s wife: Yes, probably so. But you can go tomorrow. It’s no problem.
Me: Well what time does it close today? Can I go now?
Landlord’s wife: It closes at 4:30. You’ll need to collect your money and bring it over there. But you can pay tomorrow morning on your way to school.
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Monday 5:50pm
Neighbor: Hi! I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I’m applying for a job and I need a recommendation. Would you write one for me?
Me: Oh of course. When do you need it by?
Neighbor: Well I’ll need to have it printed out and bring it to them early tomorrow morning. The internet place closes at 7pm. Can you have it done before 7?
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Tuesday 5:30 pm
There’s an alarming banging against my front door. I’m startled, and rush to my room to change into something more appropriate. The tempo of the knock continues faster and begins to mimic my heart rate. The knocking turns into a pounding as if there is a huge emergency.

I open the door and my downstairs neighbor is standing there. “Hi,” she says, “Can I have some food?” I’m caught off guard and look at her quizzically. “Just a joke. I want to use your phone to call my sister.”

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Sports Complex-ities

Sports Week commenced on Monday with absolutely no teaching or learning. The school was divided into 3 houses named after past Headmasters: Jacobs House, Williams House, and Vickery House. Each House included students from all five forms competing for the school title, just like in Harry Potter. We even have prefects that monitor the students on a regular basis, just like Harry Potter. The only difference is instead of walking around waving wands at each other, the students here walk around whipping rags at each other.

On Friday we had the Inter-House Championship Games. The entire day was completely disorganized, much like the former part of the week. The opening ceremony kicked off with the students grouped by house lined up behind a banner marching to the beat of “Who will win? [Insert house affiliation here]!” It was the most school spirit I had seen from these students. I almost didn’t recognize these kids they were so behaved and obedient. Kids can be so complex.

The track events began with the 1500 meter boys race. Students were running barefoot out in the hot sand track. Apparently having clean shoes is more important than stepping on rocks and cutting your foot open or getting chiggers or hepatitis. A few students started the first lap then gave up and started walking. Another few ran for two laps, then off into the bleachers. I asked a student from my house why ran off the track. He candidly replied that the sand was too hot for his feet so he didn’t feel like running anymore.

It made me so proud seeing my students run like little speedracers and so pleased to see the accomplished looks on their faces after winning. Some of these kids have such great athletic ability, but I guess they’ve also had plenty of practice running away from me whenever I call for them.

True to the Guyanese misunderstanding of time, Sports Week is scheduled to continue next week with field events.

Amerindian Heritage Month

Last weekend marked the end of Amerindian Heritage month. To celebrate, we attended a festival in the Amerindian village of St. Cuthbert.

We left at 7am on the back of a 4 wheel drive pick-up truck crammed with 13 people sitting on wooden planks held up by crates. We drove up the Linden-Soesdyke Highway for about 20 minutes before turning off into a narrow inconspicuous dirt road for another hour through the forest.

The dirt road quickly turned into a bumpy sandy road, which made it seem like a roller coaster ride with no seat belts or guard rails and no one to sue if you fall out. At one point the sand was so uneven that the truck was driving at a 30 degree angle. Occasionally a few passengers popped out of their seats from speeding over the jagged terrain. Seeing this forced the rest of us to grip tightly on the side of the truck, only letting go to tuck in our exposed arms from the outstretched tree branches.

Shortly after we arrived at the village, it started to downpour. This turned out to be a blessing because it kept the rest of the day cloudy and cool. We spent the day meeting people from the village, volunteers from a UK organization, and other white people. An intoxicated Amerindian man gave me a wooden sculpture he carved of an indigenous god who’s supposed to bring me peace. I would like him to give one to each one of the students in my school. We drank and danced. We were fed until our bellies protruded and we couldn’t eat anymore. I tried a soup with pieces of chicken feet in it, but passed on the maggots (a delicacy in the village).

Since the village had no electricity, we let the sun dictate our day and left shortly before dusk. Due to the long bumpy ride and some beverage consumption, one of the passengers couldn’t take it anymore. He knocked on the side of the truck three times signaling for the driver to stop. Then two men and a woman hopped off the truck and peed on the side of the sand road. The rest of us sat awkwardly in the back of the truck not knowing where to look except up.

We continued our drive back and it was now dark. The road was narrow and trees were a foot from either side of us with the thick branches hovering right above our heads creating a tunnel. The wind was cool against our skin, the speed of the truck was invigorating, and the landscape illuminated by the truck’s headlights was picturesque. I felt like I was traveling through a cave of trees; it was surreal. As we sped down the trail, I felt completely liberated from all the frustrations and annoyances of that week.